Snap Out of It
by die-angelo
Summary: For reasons unexplained, Rei wakes up to find he and Nagisa have swapped bodies. Chaos ensues. (crackfic oneshot)


**AN~ (Oh dear. Why am I posting this?) The result of too much sugar on a long-haul flight. Set pre-eternal summer, I guess? Crackfic. Reigisa, Rei's POV. Also, happy birthday to Nagisa! (Is it tomorrow already in Japan? I dunno. Anyway, enjoy x3)**

* * *

My nightmare began the day I woke up in booty shorts.

First impression: not beautiful.

But this was long after I'd shaken myself awake and discovered that I, Rei Ryugazaki, butterfly star and ex-track-team-member, was blond.

This should've come as slightly less of a shock had I remembered our jolly 'sleepover' the night before (involving Nagisa's sister's secret alchopop stash and the many, many rounds of truth-or-dare that followed.) Unfortunately, however, I was unable to recall any of this as I stumbled to the bathroom, head pounding, desperate to get there before any of my friends opened their eyes. I shouldn't have worried. Makoto- I'd dropped the honorific after his name as our friendship progressed, but old habits die hard- was curled up against the wall, barely visible beneath a sleeping bag, a mound of stuffed toys- Nagisa's, duh - and Haru, who was using him as a pillow. None of this really registered, though, as I slid the bolt across with shaking hands and really took ahold of the situation.

(Not in that way.)

Despite the fact that the results of last night's drinking games were clearly taking their toll on my- wait, his- bladder, I refused to do anything about it, and instead slumped weakly onto the side of the bathtub. (Which also had pillows, cans, a spilt jar of god-knows-what and numerous candy wrappers in it. This was going to be a bitch to clean up.)

When I felt ready enough to face the mirror again, it took a grand total of three-point-five seconds before I lost my grip on the sink, and thudded down to the floor in the most ungraceful way possible. To be fair, I was now about a foot less in height than before. Messy-haired, like a pink-eyed, floppy-ear-less rabbit. Wearing a bright t-shirt adorned with a sequined dancing penguin. And, oh, I could see without glasses.

In short: I was Nagisa Hazuki. And if my calculations were correct, then Nagiza Hazuki was me.

Just what the hell was going on?

I crept back to where I- sorry, Nagisa- had been when I got up, and saw to my utmost horror that "Rei" lay with his legs wrapped round a large, fluffy toy penguin. If only Nagisa could've seen this, I thought wryly. I'd never live it down.

It was the strangest feeling; staring at myself while I slept. There were many things I noticed that were, I believed, anyway, most certainly Nagisa's influence- such as snoring, drooling, and the occasional mutterings of phrases best left unmentioned. Was I really this hideous when I slept? Did I really manage to keep my glasses on all night? (I was rather prone to losing them.)

With all these unanswered questions buzzing about my head, I did the only logical thing a guy in my position could do.

I whacked Sleeping Me with the aforementioned booty shorts. Repeatedly. Across the face.

Which probably wasn't the best idea seeing as Nagisa leapt up, screeching indignantly, and nearly karate-chopped my- his?- arms off.

"W-wait," Nagisa- at least, I strongly hoped it was Nagisa- mumbled, in my voice. "Why'm I seeing double?" He rubbed the sleep out of his- my- eyes and blinked. I could see his brain whirring as he struggled to process the situation.

"Rei-chan?" Definitely Nagisa. Dear Lord. _"REEEEIIIII-CHAAAAA-"_

I clamped a hand over his mouth before he managed to wake the whole of Iwatobi, shaking my head furiously. "It's me! Quiet, though," I motioned to our sleeping teammates.

Nagisa blinked again. I wished he'd untangle himself from the penguin. Their intimacy was making me uncomfortable.

"But.._I'm_ me."

(It occurred to me that I should be at least slightly worried that he was so calm about seeing his double. Then again, this WAS Nagisa we were talking about.)

Yeah, about that.

Nagisa's eyes suddenly widened to proportions I would've found adorable had he not been in my body. "Rei-chan?"

"You're me," I explained, trying not to let my hysteria show. "And I'm...you."

Did I really blink that much?

Nagisa tugged at my -_his_- shirt, his- no, _my-_ eyes the size of the moon. "Rei-chan," he repeated. Maybe he had some idea as to what had happened. Maybe he could change it back? I felt a glimmer of hope. But then: "Rei-chaaan?"

He looked scared. I took his hand. "Yeah?"

"We're fucked."

Our- well, MY- plan for the rest of the day had been to hide out in Nagisa's bathtub (which now had a duvet in it) but that was scrapped when there was a knock on the door.

This out-of-body experience, once proven to be our harsh reality, was slowly turning into my idea of a living hell. It wasn't that Nagisa wasn't beautiful- I wasn't unhappy from the aesthetic point of view- but come on. My body belonged to me.

Just how much had we had to drink last night, and of what?!

"This isn't good, this isn't good," I mumbled, absently reaching to push up my glasses, but finding Nagisa's snub nose there instead. "How're we going to explain this to the others?"

"We'll just have to pretend to be each other," he suggested, a little too eagerly. "Like, okay, how's this?" He thrust out his- _my_- chest proudly. "'I'm _Rei-chan_ and I have a big-'"

"No!" I shook my head, blushing furiously. "That's ridiculous!"

Nagisa merely winked at me and turned to switch off the running tap. "Your eyesight is terrible, no offence."

"Offence taken."

"But other things make up for-"

"Nagisa!"

I drew in a sharp breath. Fanned my face. Tried to get my shit together.

This was impossible to comprehend. Coming to grips with the fact that I was talking to 'myself' from my best friend's body, while he was totally chill about it. (Perks of being short, I presumed. Less stress to carry around. But he _was_ in my body. I gave up with the theorising.) "Ugh. Because this'll totally work great."

Another knock sounded, followed by the shuffling of feet. I gnawed on my lip. This was going to end badly. So badly.

"Don't look so worried!" Nagisa chided, still twirling back and forth before the mirror, now dancing crudely. "Will you stop that already?!"

I swore my body's (Nagisa's) tracksuit bottoms hadn't been that low earlier. The boy was a closet pervert.

Nagisa chuckled. Hearing his laugh in my voice was weird. "I rarely show any emotion besides excitement. Everyone knows that I'm always happy!"

"I noticed," I told him. _Swimmer drowning in self-pity here, hello?_

He was literally bouncing as he leapt over to give me a hug, which I just managed to avoid flushing about. "Oh god, what are we going to-"

"Is everything okay in there?" Makoto called. "You've been in there an awfully long ti-"

With one final mischievous look at me, Nagisa opened the bloody door.

"Morning, Mako-chan!" he chirped, then slapped a hand to his forehead. It occured to me that I was still holding Nagisa's 'booty'-shorts, which looked a little suggestive. That I was still dressed in nothing but his bright yellow, penguin-print monogrammed boxers.

I wanted to die.

_Take two?_

Nagisa shrugged, like this was no biggie. This mess, among other questionable things, was no doubt part of his daily routine as a madman.

"Dammit! I mean, hi, Makoto-senpai!" 'My' voice, I noticed, was considerably higher as he said this, batting 'my' eyelashes 'modestly'.

The little shit.

Nagisa jabbed me 'lovingly' between the shoulderblades.

"M-mako-chan?" I stuttered. "You're up early!"

"Hug him!" Nagisa hissed into my ear. My body's height gave him the perfect advantage for this. I'd have to invest in platform shoes ASAP._ How did he survive being so small?_

"Never!" I whispered back. It wasn't anything personal, but no way in hell. Nagisa's body or not, hugging an upperclassman -without reason, I mean- was something I'd never bring myself to do morally. I'd hugged them once before, after a successful race, and although Nagisa clung to me like a limpit on a daily basis, physical contact with others had never been my cup of tea. (He wasn't a bad hugger, though. Nagisa.)

To his credit, Makoto was watching this little exchange with that gentle half-smile of his that never seemed to leave his face. Or maybe he was still half-asleep. Either way, thank god. "Good morning to you guys, too. You sure everything's alright?"

"Fine!" I exclaimed shrilly, just as Nagisa clumsily pushed back his- _MY!_- glasses. I knew I had to do something Nagisa-like, else they'd see through our little facade. Should I have giggled? Grinned a bit?

We were beyond screwed.

Just then, Haruka slunk out of the living room, hair mussed and swim trunks in hand, face expressionless. "They were in there together," he told Makoto blankly, without so much as a blink in my direction. Probably still in lala-land.

Nagisa seemed to wriggle in delight. Not that I could see him or anything. I was pretty much dead-set on ignoring him for the rest of my life. This was all his fault. (I'd prove it, once things were back to normal.)

"Ah." Makoto smiled knowingly. "I see."

My face flamed. "It's not what it looks like!" I spluttered, just as Nagisa said, "Yes, that's right," in my voice, completely unabashed.

"Oh, there are pillows in here," Haruka noted, with mild interest. He was tossing out the crap from the tub as we spoke. "Teddies too. You guys must've had fun." My mouth dropped open and snapped shut like the koi in my grandmother's pond. _Please, something incinerate me on the spot now._ Nagisa poked me again. My cue.

"Oh, Haru-chan. You're so funny. Haha. Ha. Ha."

Makoto peered down at me. I fought the urge to squirm. "Nagisa. You're definitely sure everything's okay?"

Haru poked his head out of the room. "Can I have a bath now?"

"Oh yes," Nagisa boasted, having completely ignored him, and continued the previous conversation. He pulled up his- MY- shirt up proudly, reivealing (lol) a purple splodge that was, to the untrained eye, obviously drawn on with sharpie marker. "I have a hickey to prove it!"

The shota was dead to me.

Makoto inclined his head politely. I prayed that he was so used to Nagisa's antics that he wouldn't think too badly of him. (Er, me. Crap. Whatever.) Makoto probably thought this New Me (here Nagisa was 'subtly' prodding my behind again) was on the shrooms. Haru, as always, was aquatically indifferent.

I tried to smile, but it came out looking more like a constipated grimace. "Well, I hope you two enjoyed yourselves," Makoto knelt to retrieve his toothbrush (what a surprise: it had been tossed out of the bathtub.)

Nagisa grinned wickedly. "Oh, you bet we did."

Recently, Nagisa and I had developed a peculiar habit of aimlessly riding the train whenever we wanted to talk. We lived a couple of stations apart so it made sense when either of us needed to let off steam, or confess some deep and deadly secret (me: I was insecure about my pathetic contribution to our club/Nagisa: often worried about the friendship group.) It was silly, I know, but, much like Makoto and Haru's little quirks, seemed like one of those things to solidify our friendship.

Except today, that is.

"Are you out of your mind?" I exploded, once we were safely out of earshot. "This isn't a joke! Keep this up and they'll find out!"

"Out of my body, I think," Nagisa poked his- my- tongue out at me. I made a mental note to never do that again. "Aren't you a Rei of sunshine today?" he continued waggling my tongue. I glared at him until he shut up. "Rei-chan.."

"Don't you 'Rei-chan' me!" I cried. "I don't know what's going on and I don't like it! You're making me into a joke!"

Nagisa gave an uncharacteristic huff and crossed his legs. "Don't like it either."

"You keep treating this like one of your little games, but guess what? It's real, and we need to change it back!"

"But Rei- forget it!" He seemed to visibly deflate. "How, though? Scientifically speaking, it's not possible. Or beautiful," he added under his breath, scowling like I would and muttering something darkly that I couldn't catch.

"What was that?"

"You're acting like being me is such a chore!" Nagisa pouted. "Don't you like me?"

I tried to suppress a groan, and instead said gently, "That's beside the point. I do like you, just not- how do I put this- not being inside you."

Nagisa snickered into his sleeve. Mumbled something like, "Always knew you were a uke."

"Oh, real mature."

"Your infatuation with me is nothing to be ashamed of!" Nagisa cried, much to my horror.

_Please stop. _

"Anyway, that sounded just like something I'd say!" He clapped me on the shoulder in his excitement, throwing me off-balance. If I ever got back to my own body, I swore to never complain about being tall ever again. Height was a bloody blessing in this world.

"I'm proud of you, Rei-chan!"

"I hate you," I muttered, "but at the same time, I'm sorry I snapped earlier." I bowed my head before my friend. There was no need, seeing as Nagisa towered over me, even sitting down. Force of habit. "It was unacceptable. Please accept my sincerest apologies." Nagisa patted my head, still humoured from my earlier remark. "I look cute when I apologise," he grinned.

I cringed, seeing 'myself' smile. That expression belonged on Nagisa's face and Nagisa's face only. "Love you too. No homo," he added in a theatrical whisper. I just sighed.

Looked like things were back to normal.

"My name is Rei!" Nagisa announced suddenly, startling me and the rest of our fellow passengers (of whom there were three.) "Rei Ryugazaki. Sixteen years old. Student at Iwatobi High School. Uptight as heckie. Um..."

"I'm not uptight!"

"You- erm, I- keep believing that."

The lady in the seat next to me leant over in concern. "Is 'Rei-kun', you know?" She mouthed a slightly nicer phrase for 'off his bloomin' rocker'.

I gave an uneasy shrug of the shoulders, unsure which of us she was referring to.

We changed carriages at the next stop.

"Okay," New Rei said. "Your turn." He was starting to sound more and more like me with every sentence, which was beginning to freak me out. Surely Nagisa hadn't noticed all these mannerisms about me in the past to pick them up so quickly? We were close, but I'd never thought to which extent.

"Nagisa Hazuki!" I stood to attention, glad the carriage was otherwise empty. Perks of pointless early morning weekend travel.

"Iwatobi First Year! Best friend of Rei R-"

"-chan!" Nagisa corrected."Yeesh! You know everyone's a -chan!"

"But it's so informal!" I protested. "Doesn't it kind of defeat the point of basic civilities?"

Nagisa's expression was hard to read, mainly because it was on my face. "I have no idea what any of that meant."

He hugged me again. I tried not to be too 'uptight' and hugged him back. He gave a little hop in glee.

"Everyone's special to me, just in different ways! Like, you're my Rei-chan and you-"

"Won't be seen dead skipping," I muttered. "But thank you. I'm glad our feelings of friendship are mutual."

Nagisa rolled his eyes. "I'll skip if I want to!"

"Not in my body!" I cried indignantly. "You promised we'd try-"

"Yeah, yeah. Moving on!"

Something dawned on me. "What if this doesn't wear off by the end of today? What is this lasts forever? How are we going to explain this to our families? Your apartment last night was fine, but-"

"You worry too much!"

"Your family are out all weekend, aren't they?"

"Just come back to my place," Nagisa repeated. "The others have gone. We'll buy food. FOOD," he enthused. "Plus, it's closer to Samezuka-"

I choked on air.

Of course.

How could I have forgotten?

"Nagisa-kun..." I felt weak at the knees. "We have to miss this practise. I'm begging you."

He twirled my glasses between his fingers. "Lemme think. According to my incredibly clever analysisizing skills and, um, Scientology degree-"

"You mean science." I couldn't help but correct him. "Nagisa, we take the same classes!" This was worrying.

"Whatever! Still no!" Nagisa giggled, pulling me along the platform. "This'll be great. So, so great. Let's go! I think you left your swimsuit at mine, anyway."

I was, for lack of a better phrase: so effing done.

Our bus pulled up to Samezuka Academy half an hour later than it should've (curtesy of some last minute improv sessions), so we sprinted to the locker rooms without so much as a second glance. They were empty, thank god, but it dawned on me that changing into swimsuits would involve...undressing.

Damn everything.

Haru and Makoto (see, no honorifics there) stripped together all the time without a fuss. Rin-senpai.. well, I wasn't quite sure what went on behind the walls of Samezuka, but I assumed that with the swagger these guys carried themselves, changing together and seeing each other was routine.

So why was I the only one so bothered by this?

(Because I was an uptight prick. That's why.)

Cue Nagisa's mad laughter from the showers. "Aw, man! Just wait til I tell Mak-"

"Penguin boxers," I yelled back through gritted teeth. "Yellow, traffic-cone, twelve-year-old-girl penguin boxers."

That shut him up.

"Sorry we're late!" Nagisa called to the others in an uncanny imitation of my tone and voice. "There was a traffic delay, but it's really unacceptable on our part-"

"Enough already," I snapped.

"Guys, hey!" Makoto waved us over to the far lane, where Gou- sorry, Kou- Matsuoka was blatantly flirting with Samezuka's captain. She was so entranced by Mikoshiba-san's muscles that she didn't even turn around to tut her usual, "You're late." Her brother, a couple of lanes down, was doing most of the team captain's duties: barking out warm-ups, taking down times, shooting Mikoshiba sour looks at regular intervals.

Rin nodded at us curtly in greeting; the other Samezuka guys didn't offer any acknowledgement besides raising eyebrows at Nagisa's swimsuit of choice.

Meanwhile Mikoshiba had wrapped an arm loosely around the object of his affections (note: not his own muscles, which was a first) and she was gazing up at him adoringly. (Or maybe at his abs. Who knew.)

I lamely wondered how long it would take before Rin finally flipped.

"Oh, good." Haru pulled his goggles off with a snap and grabbed onto the poolside ledge, hoisting himself up. "I'm going to stretch."

Makoto took over from there- it was widely known saying more than a couple of sentences at a time was exhausting for Haruka."You'll need to warm up, obviously."

Nagisa elbowed me in the ribs. "Rin-chan's warm-up, or ours?"

Makoto blinked. "The usual. We share a training regime this season, remember?"

"Right. Haha. My bad." My throat felt like I'd gargled sawdust.

Then it hit me.

Oh.

Oh _no._

The warmup included multiple swimming strokes. I'd almost died (or so I told myself) learning to swim butterfly, and since Nagisa would be the one with my Get Out of Jail Free(!) card of exclusively that stroke, I had to do something if I didn't want to drown and/or publicly humiliate myself again.

What could I possibly fabricate to get out of this? It seemed like we'd already tried every excuse in the book. My leg hurt? Makoto would be worried. Kou would get pissed. Haru would see through it.

"Nagisa-kun's just tired today," Nagisa explained, smiling in a way I hoped I never did at him because (goddamit) that was nowhere near platonic. "We, uh, didn't get much sleep last night."

I could've killed the kid. This meant war.

"Actually, Rei-chan," I arranged my- well, we've established that they were his- features into a picture of innocence. "I'm actually really excited to swim today!"

Rei- aka Nagisa- reised an eyebrow.

I stepped aside. "Go ahead, Rei-chan!"

Nagisa was cottoning on. "No, really, I insist."

"As your best friend, I really think you ought to-"

"What's the problem here?" Mikoshiba had sauntered over, Kou by his side. She'd rolled up her school skirt so it was barely visible beneath her blazer. I noticed Rin send Mikoshiba another dirty look that translated to "Impregnate my sister and die."

_Ah, the joys of young love._

Nagisa crossed his arms petulantly. "R- Nagisa doesn't want to swim."

"Bullshit," I scoffed. "Look at me, about to dive in." By this point I didn't give a damn whether or not they figured out our situation. I needed to get this practise over with, and fast.

Mikoshiba held up a hand. "Wait up. I was thinking we'd race now."

Behind him, Rin mouthed to his short friend (not that I could talk), Nitori, "Thinking? THINKING? He was trying to do things to her! To get her to do things to him! He's a creep! She's sixteen! Practically a baby!"

Mikoshiba spun round, face as red as his hair. Kou was livid (and avoiding eye-contact with Mikoshiba). "What was that?"

"-way out of his league, too-"

"Uh, senpai?" Nitori cowered under Gou's glare. "I think she may have heard you."

Gou smiled sweetly at Rin. "'Heard you' my ass! Oh, brother dearest?" she cooed, making sure Mikoshiba and at least three of their friends were within earshot. "D'you remember that, uh, sleepover of yours with Haru Nitori told me about?"

Ah.

_The_ sleepover. We didn't talk about The Sleepover.

"Don't bring me into this!" Nitori squeaked, taking shelter behind his senpai. Rin had his face in his hands. "I take it back," he muttered weakly. "Kou, you win. Date whoever the crap you want. Just use, like, birth control and shit. And please don't bring up the sleepover."

Judging by Mikoshiba's fire-hydrant coloured expression, getting involved with the Matsuoka siblings had been the worst decision of his life.

Gou pecked her brother on the cheek, beaming. "Knew you'd think so."

To save everyone (except Nagisa, 'cause he was being an ass) from further embarrassment, I chose that moment to belly-flop into the water, crying, "Guys, look! I'm a penguin!"

This was SO not one of my better days.

"Wait!" Nagisa yelled. He flapped his arms like a demented bird thing (talking to you, Iwatobi-chan) and leapt up into the air. "That means I'm a pretty butterfl-_ shit, he's drowning!_"

I wasn't drowning. Not yet. But Nagisa dived into the pool after me anyway.

I'll admit, I had kind of been hoping to inherit this body's swimming abilities when I made the leap of faith. To be capable of swimming backstroke, freestyle, or even breast would've been incredible, but alas, I surfaced to a face full of- me?

"He needs CPR!" Nagisa was screeching. "Send help, send-"

"Rei can't swim!" Makoto shrieked, despite the fact that Rei- Other Rei, that is- was happily paddling away beside me. "Someone ought to help him!"

"On it!" Rin shouted, just as Haru wordlessly leapt in from the opposite end of the pool.

This was only the beginning of the chaos.

During all this I was thrashing about like my life depended on it- which I supposed it did, if my name was Nagisa Hazuki, Idiot of the Year- sending out miniature tsunamis with every splash. I needed to get out of this pool. Butterfly would've been ideal, but with all the people closing in around me, the idea was becoming impossible.

"Rei!" Makoto yelled again. "Hold on!"

To what, exactly? The Samezuka swimming club didn't exactly possess many floaties. I almost felt laughter bubbling up inside of me as I realised the reason Makoto wasn't concerned for my wellbeing was Nagisa. Nagisa was perfectly capable of swimming any stroke; Rei was not.

God, I sucked as a human being. Sopping wet butterflies were not, and would never be, beautiful.

At least, not in my eyes.

Haru and Rin collided a foot away from me with a painful thunk, and disappeared underwater without a trace.

"Goodbye cruel world!" Nagisa wailed. "The butterfly is- ow!" Something crashed into my chlorinated whirlwind, sucking me deeper into the pool's murky (squeaky clean, actually, thanks to Rin-san's many punishments after threatening his captain about the Gou thing, but whatever) depths.

Makoto had joined the party.

"Nagisa, why aren't you-" was all I managed to hear, before the words turned to bubbles and the steamed-up air to a perfect view of someone's swimsuit-clad backside as I felt myself drifting further and further below the surface, below the others...

I'm not too sure what happened next, but somehow, with Makoto's help, Nagisa managed to drag me over to the side of the pool. (This was that damned beach episode all over again.) I hoisted myself out of the pool only to find Nagisa- ! - mouthing, "All okay!" And sure enough, looking down, I found myself in his swimsuit.

Just how unrealistic was my idea of running away to Jamaica sounding?

_"Oh, hell," _I heard Rin mutter. "That hurt." He pulled off his hat and goggles. "Um. These aren't mine?"

"WHERE DID MIKOSHIBA GO WITH GOU?" Haru roared. "I SWEAR I'LL CASTRATE THE GUY-" He stared down at his swimsuit, at his Samezuka flippers.

"Shit," Nagisa was whispering. "Shitty-shit-shit." He looked me in the eye, and before the others could react, yanked me up."Um, are there penguins in Jamaica?"

Had I really said that out loud?


End file.
